Choosing to be a parent

Take it one day at a time

Parenting can be a pretty overwhelming thought when you first discover you are pregnant. Oftentimes, it is easy to see where you lack support, finances, and experience. However, there are many social service organisations, government and private, which can stand in the gap in many of these areas.

While staying at home is nearly always best for you, it may not be an option at this present time. It is best to find yourself a place to live as quickly as possible. Contact Life or Cura who have mother and baby homes and can provide you for a place to live. Once the baby is born you can find a more permanent residence. It is important to find out all your benefits and grant entitlements: child benefit and Single Parent allowances from the Department of Social Welfare. If you do not have a Medical Card, you should contact your local Health Centre and apply for one, as many single pregnant women with insufficient income are eligible. Single mothers can claim the Lone Parents Allowance from the Department of Social Welfare. If the father of the baby is unwilling to provide maintenance, you can apply to the Court for an Order of Payment.

Receive all the help and assistance you can

If you are receiving assistance, you may be eligible for programmes which help with job training, tuition and child care. Otherwise, you might rely on educational grants and loans while working to cover living expenses and child care. Single parenting often means altering your goals and plans. But with determination and job training, you can achieve greater security for yourself and your baby.

Continue with your education if possible

Most schools and colleges will encourage you to continue your education. Some schools offer night classes, loans, child care and even transportation. You may decide to take a semester off while you adjust to single parenting, but you can still reach your educational goals.

Parenting may limit your social life. When you choose to parent, your child's needs will demand most of your attention. Some people you date may not want to take second place to a child. Others will not mind that you are parenting. Before getting into a serious relationship, consider the effect on your child. Try to balance freedom and responsibility. Allow yourself some "fun time" in your schedule, or you may begin to resent your child. An absent father may be hard for a child to understand. Explain that because of complicated circumstances, he is unable to be part of your family. You need to talk as positively about the birthfather as you can without being dishonest. Even if you don't like him, he is still special to your child.

If it becomes too difficult

If single parenting becomes too difficult and you decide to consider adoption, you are not a bad parent. It takes courage to realise that by yourself you cannot provide all that your child needs. But separating from a child with whom you have bonded can be difficult. A trusted and wise counsellor can help you and your child through this process. Look for an agency that can help you make an adoption plan you can live with.

An amazing journey

Becoming a mother is an amazing journey. You can't predict exactly how it will go, but if you prepare yourself and make thoughtful choices, you'll end up in a good place. Courage and confidence go hand-in-hand. When you feel confident in your decisions, it's not hard to muster up courage to explore new things.